Mørket er totalt, en dør åpnes og to kommer inn. Det fomles litt etter lysbryteren. Så høres lyden av en flaske som velter. Lyset kommer på. Lampen i taket er bare en blikkboks med en lyspære inni. Feilkoblet, så den lager bzz lyder og flakker litt innimellom. Han lukker døren. Hun går langsomt rundt bordet. De er begge brutalt tiltrekkende, med gjenknappet trenchcoat og bogarthatt over mørke ray-bans som blinker faretreuende. Kåken er tom. Blågrå, bleke parallellogrammer treffer veggene i takt med neonlyset som blinker over horene i gaten utenfor. Alt annet er svart, hvitt og rødt. Ingen bor i denne kåken. Hele inventaret er stjålet unntatt ett gusjent respatexbord med rustne bein. Hun og han står på hver sin side av dette og ser hver sin veg. Flasken med billig wisky har nettopp veltet. Det glugger nervøst fra tuten etterhvert som spriten renner utover og drypper ned på gulvet. Utfor høres horene som snakker ludderslang. Utydelig men truende. Lite kunder.
Hun tenner en røyk, stirrer i gulvet, tar ett par irriterte men kontrollerte magadrag og hever så blikket bak brillene langsomt mens hun snur seg mot han. Den perfekte bevegelse. Hun er en gudinnedjevel, nei, en sexdrage som hveser ordene ut i en røyksky, med sorgfullt hat i stemmen som etterhvert stiger til et raseribrøl.
Jeg visste det! Jeg VISSTE det HELE TIDEN !!! Men HVORFOR MÅTTE DU FORTELLE FORTELLE MEG DET ??!!!
Så skifter hun kanal på ett blunk og tar rolig flasken. Snur seg bort fra han og tømmer den i en eneste stor skvælp. Nesten en kvart. Hun flekker tenner og nyter spritgyset.
Et par magadrag til og hun knipser sigaretten i gulvet . Rommet lyser litt opp av gnistene som farer utover. Hun tørker brennevinsvannet vekk fra de sorte leppene over de perfekte hvite tennene, langsomt. Dreier seg mot han, igjen med denne smygende bevegelsen. Så strekker hun frem et raseben i nettingstrømper og knuser den siste gloen ned i plankene med krenkende bevegelser. Låret er lett skrevende. Han ser på og åpner munnen, nølende. Hun kneiser litt med nakken og smiler beregnende, men kåt. Hånden hennes glir fristende uengasjert ned over magen, innfor frakken, ned mot skrittet og avdekker hvit hud, stropper festet i røde og svarte blonder. Ingen truse. Bare en blåsvart og stri bollemus, og en colt 45 i blodrødt silkehylster. Han hiver seg mot lysbryteren og bordet braker i gulvet. Mørke. Et par sekunder med baksing i blinde og så ett skudd. Noen ramler i gulvet med et likegyldig grynt og blir der. Døren går opp og en skygge med hatt og trenchcoat styrter ut. Døren smeller igjen.
Lyden av flasken som triller langsomt over gulvet, dunker inntil veggen og stopper.
Det eneste som høres er horene som snakker utydelig horegraps i gaten utenfor .
Glimtene fra neonlyset røper ikke hvem som ligger igjen på gulvet.
Uttoning til mambomusikk.













18 kommentarer In " sjalle: Rethoria, min elskede (metaforisk film noir) "
RSS-strøm med kommentarer til dette innlegget. Tilbakesporings-URL
februar 11th 2011 at 5:53 pm
Hmm, har du skrevet dette sjalle?
Utrolig godt skrevet og spennede overskrift.
——-
sjalle:
Hmm, la meg se .. jo, det står “av sjalle” på toppen her
Film noir er fin minimalistisk krimkitch.
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februar 11th 2011 at 6:36 pm
Så flink du er å skrive, likte spenningen i stykket.
Mens jeg er her.
Kunne du ta en titt på siden min, tror jeg har fått noe “Spøke” på bloggen fordi jeg ser små skrift og streker, de andre ser ikke det som jeg ser..
Kan du se om du ser streker eller små skrift.??
Snille..
——–
sjalle:
Skriften er fin på de andre innleggene dine så det må være noe i dette ene innlegget som smitter over, nedover på sidene. Prøv å klipp ut teksten i hele innlegget, save den i en lokal file (notepad). Legg en bokstav eller to inn i det tomme innlegget på dashen, no trixy formatering, klikk update på innlegget. Legg teksten tilbake og en ny update. Kan kanskje virke.
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februar 11th 2011 at 7:35 pm
Mr and Mrs Smith?
——-
sjalle:
Høres fett ut, men for mye Brangelina. Hun heter Rethorica Herring. han heter Stone McDeaf.
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februar 12th 2011 at 1:23 am
Hva skal man med alkohol og dop.
Når sjalle skriver med en innlevelse av frukt og landskap.
——–
sjalle:
Det var da så alt for mye *bluss*
Meen, litt alkodop skader ikke ..
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februar 12th 2011 at 8:27 am
Ahum… Skrivesperre?
——-
sjalle:
Total, fra issen til skosålene
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februar 12th 2011 at 6:35 pm
Sjalle..

Tusen takk for hjelpen..
Nå fungerer allt bra.
Takk snille…
Ønsker deg og dine en fin Helg.
——
sjalle:
Det skulle bare mangle,
det der er faktisk ikke noe vgb kan hjelpe med heller
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